I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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