Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
