wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
