just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize