drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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