i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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