Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Randomize
