Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
