and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
