I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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