If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
