wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Randomize
