I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
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