id be glad to
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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