im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
