I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
