I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
