dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Can I color on your dick again?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
