Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I wish you could order shots online.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
