Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Randomize
