why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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