ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
