and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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