got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize