Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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