Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
