Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
