Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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