I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Randomize
