Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
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