my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
