you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Randomize
