i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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