Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize