Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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