you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
