He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
