it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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