im drinking this country out of the recession.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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