i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
