Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
