We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Randomize