Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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