I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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