It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
