Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
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