Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
