I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize