1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
