So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
