Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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