just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
