her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
