I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
