At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
