You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
