im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
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