I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize
