My Higher Power is John Stamos
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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