Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i barfeds in our rink
Just cropdusted the office
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Randomize
