Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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