i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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