What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
