I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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