he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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