so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
